A love so raw and so pure.

I want a love, so raw and so pure. I want to hold it in my hands. I want the kind of love that brings such a bright light in a cruel world. I don't want to fail. I don't want to hurt. I will never lie. I want to be held. I want to be danced with in the moonlight. I want to run and jump streaking down a street with that kind of love,with that lover. I want to make the other person smile and trace it with my fingers and my tongue. I want to make his heart soar and his mind open into a new way of thinking and beliefs. I want to show him the world isn't so cruel that there is bright times if you look for them. I want to hear his story, I want to just hear him. I want to tell him that everything is going to be okay in his life when he tells me why he thinks theres evil inside. Inside of me, I would jump with joy when I hear his voice. Just having that kind of love would keep me from jumping off the cliff of my mind into insanity. That kind of love, he would be my anchor. I would love so much. I don't know why I feel these kind of feelings. If I had this kind of love I know I wouldn't be able to breathe or focus without him. I would crash and burn without him. Wouldn't ever be able to imagine living life without that kind of love after having it. I need that kind of love. Someday I want kids or atleast 1. I want to end up having the best husband and keeping our vows. There would be trust,confidence. We would understand finances and trust each other on our financial decisions. We would have intellectual intimacy. We would praise each other. I would try my best to be the perfect wife for him(Ibn Hibban narrated that the Prophet (pbuh)said, what translated means, "If a woman prayed the five prayers, fasted in Ramadhan, protected her honor and obeyed her husband; then she will be told (on the Day of Judgment): enter Paradise from any of its (eight) doors.) He would take care of me or suprise me when i'm sick. If we had kids, he would take them out for their favorite icecream or have a playdate with them atleast once a month. He wouldn't mind spending family time. I want to be with that same person for ever even if it's rocking chairs in the middle of no where. I would cook all day. I would want to make that person laugh and make them proud of me. I would continue to live just so I could hear their voice. I want to suceed just so I could hear them say you did a great job baby. I would do anything for that person wether it's to run in the middle of a busy road or to be chased by a scary big dog. He would make me want to do the impossible. He would widen my horizon, make me think more. I would truly suceed in life and with him because I would actually love him. I would forever be by his side and be there for him. I would protect him as I know he would do the same for me.

Sometimes it drives me crazy that i'm only 20 and I think so maturely. People tell me all the time I don't know what love is...but do they really know what love is??? I think the perfect way to describe it in English(i'm so slow at translating arabic into englishwords) is verse from the bible 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Thats the kind of love I need and want. The kind that i'm waiting for.

But then sometimes I feel like....in this world, this reality. Maybe love isn't for me? ) : but who knows. ;) Gotta love God and the feelings, mind, spiritual beings we are that he has created. So beautiful.

Heaven

"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy." I stared at the stars tonight. One shined extra bright and I couldn't help but smile&think back of memories with all my lost beloved friends&fam♥

Rip<3

Trevor G,Michael Lilly, Rob Schilling,Grandma, Jordan Wilson, Sterling Walker,Gr8 Uncle,Hayyan Khan & Iman Haq.

6 Days till Vanilla Boo is OUT :] I was actually looking forward to doing fireworks with him this year or atleast having a chance to :/ I've never done fireworks. No plans this year, just about to sleep, fireworks banned in Lake C. and i'm not going back to my apartment for a few more days.